If you've done something you're embarrassed or ashamed, unhappy or guilty about avoid just coming away from the situation and feeling bad. The following is a process you can follow that can take you from feeling bad to feeling good about yourself and the situation in a matter of minutes.
Consider a recent occurrence that gives you that sinking feeling and observe the emotions and physical sensations that come to the fore. Try not to judge the emotions and sensations or try to suppress them. Just allow them to be for a moment, and tell yourself that with or without these feelings and bodily sensations you are OK.
Ask yourself what happened, what was the outcome of that occurrence? Then ask yourself what were the thoughts, feelings, habits and behaviours that led to that outcome? A useful technique to use here is the 'Ask Why Five Times' technique. This involves asking yourself why you thought or felt what you did, and why you behaved the way you did. The idea is that you keep asking the question 'why' in different ways to get to the answers.
Some of the variations of the 'why' question may be:
· What's the reason behind me doing, thinking, feeling this way?
· What is it about this thought, feeling or behaviour (T, F or B) that appeals to me?
· What benefit am I getting from this T, F or B?
· What does this mean to me?
Avoid 'I don't know' answers as this lets you off the hook. Ask yourself 'If I were to guess what would I say?' Your best guess is based on your gut reaction and is usually right.
Don't stop until you start to delve into territory that is new for you. Then continue to ask questions. When you start to repeat the same answers you can be pretty sure you've got to the end of the questioning process.
Your aim is to uncover some of your automatic ways of being that are the deep-rooted, underlying, real reasons for your behaviour. It is also about uncovering the true reasons for any lack of fulfilment or satisfaction you may feel in life.
At that point it's about asking questions such as:
· How can I think, feel or behave differently to start to change these habits?
· What actions can I take to bring about a different result effortlessly and easily?
This exercise if carried out correctly can give you some significant insights into your motivations for doing what you do, and puts you in a position of control. When you uncover the real reasons behind your behaviour, thoughts and feelings you start to understand who you truly are. And this is the beginning of you taking control of your life.
Carmen Gilfillan is the founder of Stimulus Development & Training. Stimulus specialises in helping people overcome emotional trauma, experience emotional breakthroughs, boost their health naturally and live their best lives. We do this through Life & Wellness Coaching, Emotional Freedom consultations and training in the areas of personal, professional and spiritual growth. Check out our website at http://www.stimulus.uk.com to book your free Emotional Breakthrough consultation.
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